Early Xmas Present

This post should have been posted the week before Xmas, but I'm just now getting around to it.  Those of you (all two of you) that witness the staleness of this blog can appreciate the musty delinquency of this post.

Several months back, I received a parcel from the district court in the city in which I live.  That's federal court.  I thought, shit shit, jury duty in a federal court!  It turned out to be just a questionnaire about eligibility for jury service.  My first thought before reading the entire document was screw this!  Toss it!  Well, somewhere near the end was some nice friendly words about how I would be criminally prosecuted if I didn't answer all the questions truthfully AND return it within the time limit specified.  Ok, so, fine.  I filled it out and sent it back.  Wev...

Fast forward about a month and a half.  Lo and behold, another parcel informing me of my required-under-threat-of-prosecution jury duty.  At first, I thought my fear had been realized.  Shit, stuck on a grand jury (which could be a really lengthy obligation)!  It turned out to be just county jury duty.  Wev.  I got called into a jury panel in the first round of the day (lucky me), but I was near the end of the line.  So, I was privileged to witness the rest of the panel get asked questions by the attorneys and get picked to be on a jury to try some guy who kicked a cop.  Another day of my life that I'll never get back.  Whoopee...

Now fast forward again to the week before Xmas.  My early present:  a federal jury duty summons.  I'm reading this thing, and it's telling me that I am panelist number 32.  I think, cool, I'll get to watch someone else be questioned and picked for a jury, right?  Not so fast.  I soon discover after further reading that I am ON-FUCKING-CALL for the entire month of February!  It gets better.  I could possibly be called to serve several times during the month!  What?  Are there not enough people in this top-ten-largest city to find enough potential jurors that everyone is only required to do their day (or days if they are on a jury) once?!

And now for the salt on the wound:  The  last paragraph of the panelist information packet, written in all caps as if they were mockingly shouting at me (to be read in your snarkiest sarcastic voice):

IT IS THE POLICY OF THIS COURT THAT ALL MALE JURORS WEAR COAT AND TIE, AND FEMAIL JURORS MAY WEAR blah blah blah... JEANS AND SHORTS ARE NOT CONSIDERED APPROPRIATE ATTIRE FOR JURY DUTY.

Goody for me.